


Support Systems

by booklover13



Series: Support Systems [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Booker | Sebastien le Livre Needs Therapy, Communication, Found Family, Gen, Nile needs help adjusting too, and a support system
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booklover13/pseuds/booklover13
Summary: Nile meant it when she said all she wanted was an apology, and she refuses to leave Booker without a support system. She didn’t quite realize how much she needed it too at first.
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nile Freeman
Series: Support Systems [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1937569
Comments: 13
Kudos: 190





	Support Systems

Nile straight up tells them all she wants is an apology and she accepts they may need something different. What she doesn’t say is that she has no intention of abandoning Booker. She’s seen what he does with a subpar support system, like hell she wants to see what happens when it’s gone completely. 

So she agrees to let them have what they need, and waits to get Copley alone. Nile doesn’t think he fully buys her ‘in case of emergency’ reasoning, but he gives her the number and that’s what counts. 

Her first text is a reddit post about what makes a good apology. She doesn’t get a response. Up next is an article on teaching apologies in schools. A weeks later, a mommy blog post about how proud she is of the apology her 5 year old gave a friend. Every time she finds herself alone she shoots off another one. It takes nearly a dozen and a half different links before she gets a response:

‘ _ Your not supposed to be contacting me’ _

Nile’s only thought is ‘Jackpot’ before she responds.

_ ‘I haven’t got my apology, thought you might need help😉’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry, now don’t piss off the others and lose the number’ _

Nile takes a deep breath and looks around the safe house of the week. This is another chance to use let go and go along with their choice, and just let things play out. Nile lets the idea of leaving it there settle on her shoulders and after a moment sighs. It’s just not a weight she can deal with carrying. Which means it’s time to play dirty.

_ ‘So you didn’t even look at what I sent? _ 🥺’

_ No response _

‘ _ After all that time I spent giving you sources so you would know what I wanted😥’ _

_ No response _

‘ _ The next one better be better!’ _

Nile leaves it there for a few days. Let it sink in before she decides to be a little more open.

_ ‘I don’t think the others get it, _

_ To old, they don’t remember being ‘new’ anymore _

_ I guess I’m being selfish _

_ I just thought you might understand’ _

There’s the little bubble of typing, and when it disappears she feels a little more crushed. So she starts browsing r/aww and sending every picture that isn’t a dog or cat over the next few days. It makes her feel better at least.

* * *

The dreams of Quynh don’t stop, but her waking up the others because of them does. Nile thinks this is another way she finds Booker more understandable. She dreams of drowning most nights and while she knows she’s allowed to talk about it...

There’s something about the guilt in their eyes. Nicky will ask her to share and she sees him shut down when she starts talking. Joe’s sadness lies heavy in the air. As for Andy, the sense of loss is enough. Nile’s become a master of waking without a sound to avoid it. 

Nile knows if she really needs it she could go to them. But she also knows they aren’t able to give her the type of support she needs when the fact she needs it is a reminder in and of itself of their greatest perceived failure.   


* * *

Of course the raccoon, the freaking baby trash panda is what he finally responds to. Nile laughs at the irony.

‘ _ I’m sorry I sold everyone out to a pharmaceutical company. It was wrong of me to make that choice without asking and getting them tortured. I will never betray any of you again and am willing to work with you to build trust at whatever pace you need’ _

_ ‘You really mean that, because that was hella scripted’ _

_ ‘Hey, I just followed your articles’ _

_ ‘You read them🤩’ _

_ ‘Yeah...I really do regret it kid.’ _

_ ‘That’s all I needed to hear _

_ I know the others...need more time, and that I can’t forgive you for them or anything…. _

_ But I really don’t want to have to wait 100 years to know my new brother.’ _

Booker starts texting more regularly after that.   


* * *

The first time Nile calls it’s because she feels numb. The others don’t know why she elected to not join them for dinner, but they can tell something off. She’s been quiet all day. Nicky brought her tea earlier and just sat with her. His presence was reassuring, and she appreciates that he was there, but Nile still didn’t know how to even start talking about the complex web of feelings in her chest. 

So all alone staring out the window she pushed the call button. It takes a couple rings but she gets a (slightly panicked) pick up.

“Nile? What’s wrong?....is it Andy?”

“Today’s my mom’s birthday” 

Bookers breathing slows on the end of the line, and his next words come out soft.

“How old is she this year?”

Nile thinks it’s the banality of the question more then anything else that gets her talking:

“58, it’s not even that special a birthday. It’s just….I realized it doesn’t matter. Special or not I’m not going to be there for any of them”

“Nile…” her name sounds so fragile in his mouth, “your making the right choice.”

“I know that! It’s not about that! It’s about the fact I’m choosing this without them. Mom told me she didn’t want to bury a child and I made her do it when she didn’t even have too!” 

There’s silence on the other end before Booker lets out a deep breath:

“Do you remember the last thing you said to her?”

“I love you? It’s how we always ended calls, why?” She’s confused, what did that have to do with it.

“It matters kid, your mom knows you loved her. I bet you even told her she was a good mom at some point.” Nile barely registers how his voice goes a little sardonic at the end, too busy letting his words sink in. The knot of feelings...loosens.

“I did, she really was a good mom”

“Tell me more” and Nile does. She just talks, sharing stories of growing up and punishments fit for their crimes. The bitterness isn’t gone, but as she talks it becomes more bittersweet.

She sees the headlights coming up the drive signal the call needs to end.

“...and Booker, thank you.”

“Whatever you need kid, take care of yourself”

“Bye Book, I...I love you brother” Nile hangs up before he can respond. 

It isn’t till later that Nile realizes exactly what she said to him about burying a child. She immediately texts him an apology. It is never responded to, but she knows that’s something she’ll try to avoid repeating.

* * *

The calls become another thing Niles hides from the others. Booker just  _ gets it _ when she talks and her family. She just isn’t sure how to explain how much she misses her other family without making it seems like she doesn’t consider them family. She does, they are the really protective big brothers and sister she didn’t realize she always wanted.

Plus they made moving on sound so matter of fact. They all so clearly had gotten closure so long ago, to the point where she wondered if they even remembered needing it _.  _ Things seemed to have ended so neatly for them by and the feelings had clearly finished being processedlong ago. The few times she has brought it up they seemed more interested in helping her ‘move on’ then just letting her live though the moment.

This is what she’s contemplating when she realizes Booker hasn’t talked to her about his family at all. She starts texting him almost instantly:

‘ _ So like no pressure, but you can talk about your family too’ _

_ ‘Didn’t think you’d be interested _

_ Besides not that much good to tell’ _

_ ‘Well I am, your life before all this is a part of you. I like getting to know you Book. Not just the pretty bits. _

_ Also you loved them too much for there not be good bits too’ _

_ ‘They died hating me’ _

_ ‘Maybe you should focus less on how they died and more on how they lived’ _

Nile waits, but there is no response even hours later. She tries writing out another message but all of them feel wrong. For the first time in weeks all she gets is radio silence. It isn’t till then she realized just how many conversations Booker had been the one to start.

* * *

One day Nile is going to figure out how the same dream about drowning can have so much variety in awfulness. Sometimes they are just there, no worse than a mild nightmare other nights though, she can barely get enough air even after she has been awake for hours. Her fingers carry a chill and she can’t get warm no matter what.

It’s the worse one she’s had so far. Nile jolts awake alone in her room, for the first time in a long time she considers waking her family. Her phone is closer and even after weeks of silence her fingers instinctively dial his number.

“Nile, I’ll-“

“Please just talk to me,” Nile’s surprised by the rawness of her own voice.

“What do you want to know?”

“Just...just something good, and pure and not related to this fucked up cycle we’re stuck in”

Booker, bless him just goes with it, “Adaline was good, she married me even though she didn’t want to.”

“Why would she do that?”

“I was the best option at the time, it wasn’t as much about love then, we had to be practical. Love came later.”

“When did you know it was love?”

“...She didn’t leave, when I was arrested, given the choice of prison or the army she could have left. Taken the boys and fucked off and pretend I was dead.”

“She stuck with you” Nile smiles, and the chill starts to leave her bones.

“When I asked her why, she made it clear she meant her vows to me.”

“She was something wasn’t she.”

“Yeah, she was.” There is a touch of wistfulness to Bookers voice Nile doesn’t think she’s heard before, and goodness so much makes sense to Nile in that moment. 

“Book, Can I just talk for a moment? Like let me get through it.”

“Sure Nile”

“Your family, and for me that means being a part of your support system. I’m not your therapist, I’m not going, or trying, to fix you. But I am your sister, and hopefully a friend. Which means I want to know when your happy  _ and _ when you need someone. I want you to reach out and we can do this. Talk about serious stuff you need off your chest, or just talk and shoot the shit. Sometimes it will help, a lot of times it won’t, but either way  _ I need you to know I am here and not going to abandon you. _ ”

The silence is back again. Nile thinks it’s turning into his signature move.

“Nile, I..I...you don’t have to do this.”

“You keep saying that, but I can’t do 100 of silence and still respect myself.”

“It’s my penance”

“It’s your penance to Andy, Joe and Nicky. For me it might as well be punishing both of us. Do you think it’s fair to punish me too?”

“No, it’s not.” There’s a resolve Nile has never heard before in his voice, “Okay little sister I’m all in.”

“So what do  _ you  _ want to talk about”

“How about we start with a book club?”


End file.
